Cancer

Around Christmas time I found a lump in my breast. I really thought nothing of it at first because I was still breastfeeding and my breasts had been really lumpy from time to time over the last year. In my head I just figured it was a clogged milk duct and that was that. But, it didn't go away about a month later when I weened Lucy. In fact it seemed to get a little bigger.

I had the first of my freak outs one Sunday night in late January. Marnie insisted I call the doctor the next day. So I called my OBGYN and set up an appointment for that Wednesday. I went in with Marnie and Lucy in toe and she said it seemed like it was only a cyst (based on the size and position) and that they are usually nothing. She ordered a mammogram and a ultra sound if needed. I got in for the mammogram that Friday.

Again with Marnie and Lucy in toe off I went to the mammography center. They did the mammogram read the film and came in and said I needed and ultrasound. Freak out number two. I had them call Marnie back to be with me and about 20 minutes later, which seemed like the longest 20 minutes of my life, I was on the table being looked at. The technician said it was a fluid filled complex cyst and that was very good news. I have got to tell you it was a relief, but still I had a 3.5cm cyst in my breast, I was not completely at ease. The radiologist came in and told me I would need to have it aspirated by my doc and that there was really nothing to worry about. So we left and I scheduled the aspiration for two weeks later.

The aspiration at my docs office was not successful. She told me I would have to go to see a radiologist at the breast center and have them do it there where they could use an ultrasound machine to see where they were poking. I was not happy about this. It meant more waiting, turns out 3 more weeks of waiting.
So the last Thursday of March almost 2 months after going to my OBGYN for the initial lump appointment I had what I would call to date one of the most traumatic medical experiences of my life. Freak out number three. Lets just say that they drained about 15ccs of fluid out of a cyst that had almost doubled in size since I had the first ultrasound. On top of that someone was suppose to call me before the procedure and let me know what I was to do pre procedure and what to expect post procedure. This did not happen. While the very sweet Dr. was taking the biopsy he caught an area that was not numb, so it really hurt, really really bad. Thank god the doc had a great bedside manner, he was very sweet and stopped for a moment to comfort me. Turns out they were unable to get all of the cyst out so I was going to have to go see a surgeon to have it removed, freak out number four.

They told me they would have the pathology report in the next 48hrs and they felt it was really nothing to be concerned about. They were wrong. Freak out number five. I HAVE BREAST CANCER! Not really something I ever thought I would have to say.

In the last 2 weeks since I found out I have seen 2 surgeon, had my case reviewed by, what is delightfully know as, a tumor board, and had 2 more major tests. This past Thursday I had what is called a PET scan. It's a full body scan where they inject you with radioactive glucose and then put you in this big scanner that looks like a giant front end load washing machine. This tells them if it looks like the cancer has spread any where else in my body. I also had another biopsy on my lump. They (my ever growing team of docs) wanted to have more pathology on it before they make any more decisions on my course of treatment.

So sometime Monday I will find out the results of the PET scan and the biopsy. I am trying to go about the next couple of days as usual, but ever since April 3rd nothing has been as usual, nothing. I am trying really, really hard not to think and prepare myself for the worst, that way I won't be completely blindsided by any more bad news. I mean to date at ever turn of this journey things have not been as they should be. Even scenarios I was assured were impossible have come true.

I just need some good news and fast.