a moment
Every once in a while lately I find my self wondering about the moment the cells started to clump together and form my cancer. The doctor said by the time a lump is detectable by hand or by mammogram it has probably been there for 4 to 5 years. This was devastatingly shocking to me, I was completely stunned. It stopped me in my tracks and made me wonder what decisions I would have made differently had I known. Really, I don't want to change any decisions. I have no regrets about the last 5 or so years of my life, absolutely none.
So when, when did it happen? Five years ago I was head over heels out of my mind in new love with Marnie. I was happier than I had been in years. I had recently moved to the bay area, shed 40 lbs without even trying. But really when, at what moment. Was I making a sandwich, cleaning the bathroom, driving to work, taking a shower, reaching for my toothbrush, throwing my arms up as I danced at the bar. When?
posted by southern girl @ 8:16 PM
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2 Comments:
Indeed, it is an odd thing to think about. Not odd that you were thinking about it. but it's one of those things we all wonder: When did it happen? I obsessed for a long time about which time was the time when I contracted HIV. Eventually it just became a fact that I have it. I had no idea cancer would incubate so long. For some reason I had this assumption that it started and grew in a month or two. A fairly naive understanding, I guess.
You, Lucy and Marnie continue in my prayers.
Thanks so much Matt
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