Last

Last, but certainly not least I start radiation treatment tonight. My radiation oncologist is so busy they are radiating folks from 7am to 9pm. So tonight at 8:45pm I start radiation treatment. I go 5 days a week for 28 days.

I am thankful this will be over soon. I find myself in a panic sometimes about the cancer coming back or reoccurring somewhere else. I know this is normal. I also know I should allow myself to wallow for a while in the fact that I had such a successful outcome from the chemo. I am trying and most of the time I can wallow, but in the deep dark crevices of my heart and mind I am terrified. I have 3 years of real honest to god worrying. If it comes back it is most likely to do so within 3 years. After that the chances decrease every year.

I am finally getting a little hair growth. Some fuzz mainly. With that said I am sharing the photos below in honor of all of those who have gone before me and all of those who go after.

We're back

We had a great time in Oregon (pictures to come). What a beautiful state. The friends we visited in Portland were trying to convince us to move there. It is a beautiful city. The people are friendly and are polite drivers, and the city is very user friendly. But, it is the wettest city in the country which means it is cloudy a lot of the time. I don't think my southern California born and bread partner would like that very much, nor quite frankly would I. I will say this the day we got home I went out to the store and in the short distance between my home and the grocery people were driving like maniacs and everyone in the store was in a hurry and look very unhappy. Interesting the perspective you get on you home town when you travel to a new place.

We are off!

We leave tomorrow for a much need vacation. I really don't remember the last time we took off somewhere for longer than a couple of days that didn't include family. This trip includes friends and the beautiful state of Oregon. I have never been to Oregon. My southern bones could use some fall foliage and some real quality time with Marnie away from all things cancer, work and the daily routine of our life.

The only concern I have is how Lucy will handle the drive. She is a busy kid and doesn't like to be strapped into the car seat fro very long. We have some new books and toys for the ride and a couple of places we can stop along the way to let her get her ya yas out.

How much more can we take?

My Dad had a heart attack today. He's fine, but really what the hell did my family do to piss off the gods? He was having heart burn last night, got up around 11pm to take some antacid then went to work this morning was still having heart burn then started to feel faint so HE DROVE HIMSELF TO THE HOSPITAL! I have already had the "you don't do that" talk with him, but I am not sure it took. They found almost complete blockage in the major artery in the right side of his heart. They put a stint in and it opened him right up. According to my brother he is hanging out in CICU giving the nurses guff and watching the playoffs. I talked to him, he sounds like himself, my brother said other than the monitors and IV he looks fine, just like himself. Richard took a couple of pictures of him and emailed them to me so I could see for myself and sure enough he looks like the Dad I know and love. I am 3000 miles away from him and I hate that I can't go see him, hold his hand, make him smile in real time. Hopefully he will go home on Wednesday or Thursday. He's lucky, if it had happened in the middle of the night while he was sleeping he would have died, he lives alone. Again I say, what the hell did we do, really?

41st

Today is my 41st birthday. It's been quite a year. I really believe women get better with age. When i turned 40 last year I wondered what this decade would hold for me. I never imagined cancer would be part of it. So, just in case you’ve been asking yourselves “Now what can I can get Ramsey for her birthday?” Well, here's the answer.

I want my body back

It's will be almost 3 years when I get my body back. First I was pregnant, then I was nursing, then I had breast cancer. I just want to own it again. I want to be done with the doctors, tests, and radiation. Some time early next year I hope to reclaim it, perhaps with a new tattoo.

A little help from a friend

My dear friend Susan left today. She was here from Oklahoma for a few days to help us out after my surgery. We had a tremendous visit. She was good medicine.

She helped with Lucy and such. I love how she just pitched in and didn't even ask what needed to be done she just instinctively knew and did it. It terrific after not seeing each other for years we just slipped right back into familiar patterns and conversation with
each other.

Happy Birthday!!!

Happy 41st birthday Marnie! I love you, thanks for everything.

The Call!

A complete pathological response! In yours and my language means NO CANCER, none. They found no cancer in the breast tissue or the lymph nodes they removed. The chemotherapy worked that well. Exhale please and breathe again. Still have to have radiation treatment,but really this is the best possible news you should ask for. We are having champagne tonight, a really good bottle. Thank you all.