Struggle
I have been struggling with my feeling this holiday season. The thing is I always seem to do this, it's just that this year I am paying attention to them. Amazing what happens when you are not distracted by crazy relatives and your meds have finally been working for months.
I think I really hate this holiday. I try not to be a Grinch. I try to be excited and happy and thankful and on and on, but really I want to crawl in bed, cover my head up and come out just in time for Lucy's birthday on the 27th. I have some ideas why I feel this way, but I have no real concrete go to clues as to what causes this general upset so I feel at a loss as the where to begin to figure it out and fix it. I really want to fix it. Mainly because I want Lucy, mostly, and also Marnie to get to really enjoy the holiday without a cranky gloomy gus walking around ruining things. I don't want Lucy to grow up hating Christmas because that is what her experience tells her to do.
Perhaps I will try to devote a decent amount of time this coming year to figuring out what is behind this and getting past it or at least up next to it so I can manage it a little better.
posted by southern girl @ 7:22 PM
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3 Comments:
I'm feeling a little grinch-ish myself this year. Mostly because I'm tired of the meaning getting lost in the shopping and advertising (this from the Jewish girl)and why only at this time of year do "we" focus on giving? Shouldn't this be practice year round?
I think a lot of my stuff is bound up in the excess of it all also. It's especially hard because Lucy b'day is so close to the holiday it gets overwhelming.
I know what you mean. I think there is so much expectation especially if you have kids, you want to make awesome memories for them. I love the idea of seeing extended family and while I do miss them, I have to remind myself the family dynamic made me even more nuts. Sending you guys good wishes. Love you, sweetie.
Stace
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