Hope

I was 28 years old when I came out. I was living in Birmingham Alabama at the time. I think I was lucky. The woman I came out to took me under her wing, so to speak, introduced me to her friends and it took a while, but those friends of hers became family to me. That woman I came out to is, to this day, one of the most treasured friends I have.

Like I said I was lucky. I felt safe, I was older. I didn't have to deal with puberty and coming out all at the same time. The only fear I had was for my job, not for my safety. You see, as they say, I can "pass" for a straight girl pretty easy. I could fly under the radar and where I come from this is a valuable asset.

Once I moved to the Bay Area I quickly realized that I didn't have to hide anymore. I didn't have to "pass". It was, needless to say, liberating. I was 34. I didn't have to hide at work. I could hold my partners, now spouses, hand when we were in public.

Now I live in the only county in the Bay Area that voted yes on Prop 8. We definitely get more sideways looks here than in other parts of the Bay Area.

I am a member of a mom's club here. I am the only lesbian in the club. I have found remarkable support from these women. Most of them that is. One of my mom friends in particular put her self and her family out there with her conservative, some Mormon family, during the election. I have been overwhelmed with the support these women and their spouses have shown my family.

Just the other day I discovered that one of my fellow moms club members finds my "lifestyle choice" "deviant". She is very very conservative, think fundamental religion here, and I knew she didn't like my family very much, but I had no idea she could spout such out of the can, uninformed, rhetoric about gay people. I know she is not the only person in our club that thinks this way, but I do know she is in the significant minority.

We must have hope. Hope for the children who are gay and trying to find their way in a often cruel society that can spout such hate and violence. Hope for the parents of these kids, that they may access the deep love they have for their children and see beyond there own hate and lack of understanding. Hope that laws and constitutional amendments that discriminate against one group of individuals just because they are not main stream will continue to be struck down.

Hope that one day our country will be a place all of us can live in equality. Call it pie in the sky thinking, but this hope is what helps me raise my strong, smart, wonderful daughter.

I think we all say it

"Conditions are never perfect. ‘Someday’ is a disease that will take your dreams to the grave with you. If it’s important to you and you want to do it ‘eventually’, just do it and correct the course along the way."

-Tim Ferriss, The Timing is Never Right (via this is my heart. it is a good heart.)

Excited

Last Saturday Marnie and the spawn took BART into San Francisco for the Marriage Equality rally. I had to stay home and wait on our new washing machine to be delivered. This picture was taken on BART. She was very very excited about the ride. I love this picture.

"This is about the human heart"

Quote

I saw this quote here.

"The shoe that fits one person pinches another; there is no recipe for living that suits all cases." - Carl Jung

It spoke to me particularly in light of the Prop 8 fight here in California. We will not go quietly. This fight is long from over.

This is worth reading

You Can Forget My Taxes - The Daily Beast

Results

I went to see my oncologist yesterday to get the results of my PET/CT scan and all was well. There is one little lymph node in my upper neck that shows a little inflammation. The only reason it is of concern for me is because I have had breast cancer.

The doc said at any given time any of us might have a lymph node that could be inflamed and would show up that way in a scan. For example, I had strep throat in September and a I also have a wisdom tooth that needs to be pulled (don't ask) and either of these things could be the cause of the inflammation.

So in 6 weeks I go back to the doc for her to take another poke at my neck and the in about 3 or 4 months I will have a CT scan to see if the inflammation has gotten any larger.

I am a little concerned but feel very confident in my team of doctors and their decisions. I am trying to put it out of my mind and wait and see.

Feeling

I am feeling bittersweet today. While I am beyond words excited about the presidential election, I am so profoundly disappointed about Prop 8 passing here in California. I am also more than a little embarrassed that I live in the only county in the Bay Area that voted yes to take away the right of gay people to marry.

More than 16,000

From the LA Times:

Religions and their believers are free to define marriage as they please; they are free to consider homosexuality a sin. But they are not free to impose their definitions of morality on the state. Proposition 8 proponents know this, which is why they have misdirected the debate with highly colored illusions about homosexuals trying to take away the rights of religious Californians. Since May, when the state Supreme Court overturned a proposed ban on same-sex marriage as unconstitutional, more than 16,000 devoted gay and lesbian couples have celebrated the creation of stable, loving households, of equal legal stature with other households. Their happiness in no way diminishes the rights or happiness of others.

Read the whole article here.

Thanks to Alternate Entries for this post.

Vote! Vote! Vote!

Spawn as Fairy

Anxiety

Every year around this time I have to go for a routine PET/CT Scan. It is something my team of cancer doctors order just to make sure all is still clear. I had my scan last week and I won't find out the results until this Wednesday. For reasons I don't fully understand myself I am convinced something is wrong so my anxiety level is pretty high.

It also doesn't help that one of the most, if not the most, important elections of my life time is happening this Tuesday.

Please if you haven't already done it. Vote!

Stay tuned for test results.

Spawn In The Hay Maze