In the Spirit of Breast Cancer Awareness Month

I had a routine mammogram today. For the last 3ish years I have been doing this every six months. They have all been clean, no abnormalities. I always spend a few minutes between the time they take the pictures and the time they come out and tell me all is well with my heart in my throat. I wonder if I will be pushed down the rabbit hole that is cancer again. Will it be a death sentence this time? And always I have been give the best news, every thing is normal. Thank God.

Today after the technician delivered the good news she asked me to wait because Dr Gordan wanted to talk to me. So I waited. Sitting there in my white robe with my shirt and bra in a clear plastic bag wondering what on earth she might want. A little fear tugging at me. She finally came out and called me into the hall. She wanted me to know that my films and my story were used by them to teach, to give hope. I knew some of this because this summer when I saw my surgical oncologist she told me that when they teach, or talk to tumor boards they use my case as an example of what can happen when everything goes right.

Here's a little history recap. When I was diagnosed with breast cancer in late March of 2006 my tumor was quiet large. They had a hard time telling what part of the huge lump was cancer and what was necrotic tissue because of the 3 botched biopsies I had. Anyhow, I went through what is called Neoadjuvant Chemotherapy, which is chemo before surgery. This was because they can measure how the tumor reacts to the chemo. They can tell with scans if it is getting smaller. Mine reacted just as hoped it got smaller and in mid September of 2006 after 18 weeks and 6 rounds of chemo I went in for my surgery they found nothing. Yep no cancer! I remember vividly getting the call from my doctor one dreary Sunday afternoon. I was home alone and when she said the pathologist found no cancer in the tissue. I had to sit down. I asked her to repeat it about a half dozen times and then it finally sunk in. This meant that my rate of a recurrence was much smaller, hell it meant that the chance that I was going to die from this cancer just went down even more. The best possible news had just been handed to me, a gift to me, to Marnie, to my then not quiet 2 year old daughter.

So back to the present. The story above is why they use my case to talk to students and doctors and because when you look at my before and after film the result is visually dramatic. I was delighted to hear this news because it meant that somehow I (or I should say my cancer journey) might help other patients through educating their doctors. So when Dr. Gordan told me this I was happy to hear it once again and then she told me something I didn't know. She told me that they also take my films and my story to lectures that they give to actual breast cancer patients. They do this to give these women hope, to show them the possibilities of treatment, to show them that this kind of outcome is possible, that the devastating diagnosis of breast cancer is not always a death sentence. I burst into tears. I was floored. I was so moved and happy to hear that my story was helping other women. I never thought I would say that my battle with breast cancer was a gift, but what a gift to know that my journey is giving hope to women in the midst of this nightmare.

I have been feeling pretty sorry for myself lately. Well not any more. I am one of the lucky ones. I can be counted as one of the survivors. Countless women have not been as lucky. Everyday I have is a gift, one to be embraced good or bad. I am touched beyond belief that my case might help even just one women push a little harder against the fire storm.

Indeed a gift.