Loss

I have been trying to figure out how to write about this latest turn of events. Instead of over thinking it I am just going to write and see what comes out. So here goes.

My ex-partner and I were together for 5 years almost 6. She was the first woman I was ever involved with. No an insignificant fact here. She and I owned a house together. We shared many wonderful times together and many many dark times together. Our break up was horrible. I moved to California 6 months after we split. The last time I saw her was at Christmas in 2000 while I was visiting my family in Alabama. I still have a jacket she gave me that Christmas in my closet. I wear it occasionally.

When I look back on our relationship I often wonder why we were together for so long. She could be incredibly funny, she had an amazing ear for music and was a DJ at a couple of local gay clubs. A lot of my friends weren't crazy about her, but I loved her despite how difficult she could be. Don't get me wrong I was not at my best while we were together. We shared the responsibility of the dysfunction of our relationship.

We lost touch after that Christmas of 2000. I was in a new relationship with my current partner Marnie. When I visited Alabama I often heard through the grape vine about how Robin was doing. She had spiraled out of control. She was brought down by addiction to prescription drugs, which she started abusing after we split. At one point it was so bad she had lost everything and was living out of her car.

But over the last few years she seemed to have gotten her self together. I can't remember exactly when we started talking again, but we did start talking. Every six months or so a email, text, or phone call. She called when she found out about Lucy. She called when she found out I had cancer and offered to be a sounding board for me. She sent me a text asking if Marnie and I were going to get married? She told me about some of her troubles but never all that much.

She moved to Atlanta a while back where her father and sister live. Something she had always said she wanted to do. She had an apartment a job and seemed to be doing well. Again I didn't really know how she was doing.

Sunday morning I received a call from her sister. She had found my number in Robin's cell phone and thought I would want to know that had accidentally overdosed on prescription drugs Saturday morning and died the day after her 45th birthday.

I am sorry for her. Sorry that her life had gotten so bad, sorry that she couldn't get help, sorry she died alone and probably scared. Sorry for her families loss, a family that has seen so much loss. I am also, quite frankly, sorry that I will never get the chance to say some things that I should have never left unsaid.

Godspeed Robin. My wish and prayer is that your next incarnation is more peaceful and happy that this one.

Congratulations MW!

Marnie has been named by The NonProfit Times to its "Power & Influence Top 50". Despite what she would like you to think it is a big deal. There was a write up in our local newspaper this past Sunday. Read more here.

F**K YOU CANCER!

Two years ago I was two weeks away from my final chemo. Today I walked 12 miles! That's right, F**K YOU CANCER!

A photo

In the emergency room yesterday. Read details in the post below. She said "I a brave girl." And indeed she is.

It was bound to happen

Today Lucy got her first stitches, 2 to be exact. She thought it would be a good idea to try to stand up on one of her riding toys that has wheels and she of course fell and busted her chin open. The same spot I myself busted open at least three times when I was a kid and Marnie also busted open when she was six. Seems a right of passage for childhood.

Lucy was a trooper. She cried when it happened and then freaked a bit when she saw the blood, but she calmed down pretty fast. Once we reached the hospital emergency room I expected her to have another melt down, but nope she was as calm as she could be. She didn't cry not once. She was restless and wanted to move around and go home, but other than that she was a brave girl.

The key with her is to tell her what is going to happen and what they are going to do to her. It seems as long as she knows what to expect she can manage. She is a brave girl!

8.25

I walked a personal best yesterday of 8.25 miles. I am pretty damn proud of myself. If someone had asked me a year ago if I thought I could walk that far I would have said no way, but here I am.

I have been training with some of my MOMS Club friends. Once again this group of women have come through for me. Once again I am facing a big challenge and they are there supporting me all the way. You gals rock!!!

Appointment

I had a check up appointment today with my Surgical Oncologist. She said everything looked "perfect". I had no reason to think otherwise, but I always underestimate how stressed out I get about these appointments. It sneaks up on me and I wonder why I am short tempered a day or two before and then I go "oh, that's right I have to go see one of my cancer docs no wonder I am a little out of sorts".

Next stop, an appointment with my Radiation Oncologist in September, a bilateral mammogram in September, a full body PET/CT Scan in October with a follow up appointment with my Oncologist that same month.

All of this kind of checking will continue for another year or so until I am out of the "re occurrence high risk" area.

Really the tests are the things that stress me out the most. But right now today and for a while everything is golden!