The kind of community that you have and the kind of community that you want to have.
SouthernGirl (aka Spawnmama) and I got married — officially and legally married — on Saturday, Oct 18. People people from all parts of our lives celebrated with us.
And we did not get married because of benefits or hospital visits or any legal trappings. We’re longtime domestic partners, I work for a generous organization and our life has forced us to codify many of our decisions in things like wills.
The marriage was performed by a man I work with, a person I love like a brother. My parents, divorced 40 years, were both in the same place, for only the second time in my memory. My sisters and brother were there. My step-mother, a delightful and charming woman, was there. The Spawn’s friends were there. And their parents. People who came to us because of our children but who have supported and cared for us in ways we never would have imagined. The Spawn’s donor, and his wife and two children, were there.
And the food was provided by a favorite local taco truck. The cupcakes were done by a newly started women-owned business. The photographer roaming the party knew everyone, even if it was the first time they were meeting.
We had the wedding in our backyard. Our neighbors either there or giving us congratulations in the days afterward.
And that’s why we got married. We got married because it is one of the few ways that we could bring a community together, in joy, to say that we love and support one another.
We got married because we want to be able to accept the support of our friends for us, our relationship and our family. We got married because we want all of us to recognize the level of commitment we are prepared to make.
We got married because marriage is one way to bring the world into the private affairs of the heart, and we felt privileged to be able to participate.
And we got married because of fear. Fear that this will be our one chance. Fear that we would be unable to explain to The Spawn why we did not choose, in this special moment, to celebrate like this.
The Spawn is almost four. I hope that this wedding will be one of her first real memories. And I hope that she will live in a community in which people — same or opposite sex — may choose to bring others into their lives for this moment and, through that, build support and love for one another.
Please vote No on 8, California’s proposition to overturn the right to same-sex marriage. And do it because we want a community where we have the right to love one another, and we can take one another, publicly and with joy, the obligation to care for one another.
And please take just a moment and write to three people you know, three people in the state of CA, and ask them to join you.